foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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