So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
