But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
