so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
