fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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