hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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