The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
