Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
