I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
