I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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