she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
