I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
operation have a gay friend backfired
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
