you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
