too bad you live with your parents still
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
