those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
