Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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