I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
