so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
