I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
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