I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
