So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
