The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
