White coat. Heels.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
