I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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