Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
