Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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