Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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