You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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