She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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