you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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