I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
