Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
