News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
this is an emotional support booty call
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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