I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
