I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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