I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
