sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
