If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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