we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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