I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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