5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
