sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
