i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
