she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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