You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Randomize
