So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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