i'm signing you up for texting rehab
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
