Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
