worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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