wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
