I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
