please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
