I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
