you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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