i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
