he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
