am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
