i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
