I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
