im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
