I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize