Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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