I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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