oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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