Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
