We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
