in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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