I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize