i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
