That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
