He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
