Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
