I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
