it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
