Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
