I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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