Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
