I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize