you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
