I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
