so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
