I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
