I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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