She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
