I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Randomize
