bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
