bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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