I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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