I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
